Tuesday, February 15, 2011

It's always "That Day"

It's always going to be That Day.  There's no other way to describe it.  I'm never going to remember what I said, or what I ate for breakfast, or what I did.  I will just remember how it felt on my skin, what I heard, and what I saw.  There are no words to describe what happened.

I still think about That Day, sometimes.  Less often than I used to.  It's like when you talk to people about September 11.  They always remember the day when they didn't remember what happened for a whole day.  Not that they didn't remember, but that they didn't think about it.

I don't remember when I stopped thinking about it.  It has defined my very existance.  It has made me become what I am.

I remember the screaming.  The god-awful, ear-piercing, blood-curdling scream.  I remember seeing her, curled up on the floor, unable to recognise me, unable to hear my voice.

As much as I try, I can't block out the next bit.  I don't know if I really want to forget, or if I just want to ignore it for a little while.  It doesn't really matter, because I never forget.  And I shouldn't; it reminds me of what they have done, and of what I had to give up to be here.

She went limp, in my arms.  I thought she had died.  I thought that was the end.  But then, the red was on my dress, it was splattered across my face.  I could see everyone else watching the multi-coloured rain float down around them.

They kept dancing, but I, I was going to be carrying Isabelle for a long time.

(Part of the Shattered universe.)

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